As we share in the work of Fred Rogers this month, I thought I would pass along my favorite “Mr. Rogers’ Words of Wisdom”.  I consider myself so blessed to have met him, and have always considered him my mentor (I first became aware of him as a young child, when I saw him perform as a puppeteer on a tv series called “The Children’s Hour” on a Pittsburgh station in the 1950’s; he reappeared as I began college in the 1960’s on “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood”!), and I have always patterned my approach to early childhood education after his.  As we celebrate his life today at South Hills, I thought you might enjoy these quotes from him:

“Learning and loving go hand in hand.  My grandfather was one of those people who loved to live and loved to teach.  Every time I was with him, he’d show me something about the world or something about myself that I hadn’t even thought of yet.  He’d help me find something wonderful in the smallest of things, and ever so carefully, he helped me understand the enormous worth of every human being.  My grandfather was not a professional teacher, but the way he treated me (the way he loved me) and the things he did with me served me as well as any teacher I’ve ever known.”

“What are the basic necessities for children to be ready to learn?  (1) a sense of self-worth, (2) a sense of trust, (3) curiosity, (4) the capacity to look and listen carefully, (5) the capacity to play and (6)times of solitude.”

“There’s a lot of talk these days about ‘education’ and what children need for learning.  Before narrowing down to three black marks like C A T on a piece of paper, I would rather see a child be in the presence of someone who cares about children and about cats, someone who can help him or her come to respect cats for their grace and independence,  grow to know that cats have feelings, that they need food and water, that each one is different, that they get tired and they sleep and they need to be loved.”

“Knowing that we’re valued and being in the presence of people who want to share with us something of this world that they love are the two most important ingredients of education.”

“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of.  There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

“I like you just the way you are.”

_ Bullying is a national concern, and it is a relief to many that this practice is ‘coming to light’ and being addressed in schools, youth groups and other public forums to assist both victims and predators.

Many parents have asked me—do preschoolers bully?  My initial reaction is to state ‘No!’, even though I know there are rare cases of preschool bullying reported.  Preschool children are much too egocentric to be classified as bullies, however.  Preschool age children do sometimes call names, pull a toy away from another child, tantrum, hit, kick, bite at times.  But developmentally, preschool age children are learning to make acceptable or non-acceptable choices.  They are trying out behaviors that they see on television, have modeled by others in their environment, or reacting to situations in which they have limited vocabulary to express themselves.  A major focus of Early Childhood Education is teaching positive conflict resolutions and assisting the children in ‘using their words’ to resolve their problems, as parents and educators provide appropriate vocabulary and ‘walk children through’ the appropriate way to deal with problems. 

It is normal for all children to test the boundaries of acceptable behavior and the limits of their power.  Parents and teachers must take the responsibility of teaching their child what the expectations are, and not feeling they must intervene with each infraction.

Conversations may include these types of comments:

 “In our family, we talk to each other when we have a problem.  We never would hit or kick or yell.  We love each other and respect each other.  That is what we will help you to do too.” 

“At South Hills, there will be many times we will be angry, upset, and frustrated with each other.  That is what happens when people spend a lot of time together. It is ok to feel that way.  But we must use our words to tell each other how we feel so we can work out our problems and continue to take good care of each other.”

Labeling a young child as a bully can have life long consequences.  Therefore, it is important for parents and educators to truly understand what bullying is, as opposed to the normal reactions and behaviors that come with growing and learning. 

Please consider the following comments from researchers in the field of Early Childhood Education:

“Bullying is very different from occasional rowdiness or behavior problems under unusual circumstances.  Bullying is repeated roughness or repeated planned victimization.  The intention of bullying is to cause deliberate hurt, or to gain more power and control.  Bullying occurs consistently between the same children, with each consistently playing the same role—victim or aggressor.  The victim is usually younger, smaller, weaker, and lacks the skills to cope with aggression.

Children three to five years of age are experiencing a time of tremendous intellectual growth.  Children are ready to begin learning about acceptable and unacceptable behavior and begin feeling some empathy for others.  There are still limitations, however.  At this age, children begin to understand that hitting hurts others.  Even so, they may not always be able to stop themselves from aggressive or hurtful behavior nor can they foresee the consequences of their actions; children in this age group cannot readily understand that they can avoid hurting others by not hitting them.  Still, they do generally possess some degree of self-awareness.  If they make others cry, they probably feel bad for having done so.

The most frequently displayed characteristics of an overly aggressive child (and hence a potential bully) are as follows:

*Multiple temper tantrums in a day, or several tantrums lasting more than 15 minutes
*Consistent refusal to follow directions
*A desire to be the boss all the time
*Extreme impatience
*Indifference to having hurt someone
*Cruelty to animals as well as other children
*Insistence on always getting his or her own way
*The use of anger or threats to achieve goals
*A failure to return to parents for a brief hug or touch in a strange situation.
*Low self-esteem

--from the book Bullying  by Janice Schoeder , developed with the Minister of Learning, Alberta, Canada

“Some degree of socially imperfect behavior is normal in all children--and not everything needs an adult response.  There is value in letting our child learn how to handle low-level normal behaviors, rather than jumping in a every perceived offense…”

--Dr. Rebecca Cortes, research scientist at the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology and the developer of the PATHS Preschool Curriculum.

At South Hills, take behaviors ‘lightly’. We spend much time daily redirecting behaviors, reviewing good and poor choices, acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, and rewarding appropriate behaviors.  As I have stated in an earlier blog, children at the preschool level have strong feelings and strong behaviors.  They depend on the adults in their world to assist them in managing their feelings and behaviors.  Good modeling is critical, and many of our students also provide the positive role modeling for their peers. 

Children with behavioral disorders are referred for Early Intervention, and positive means of management are implemented if South Hills is determined to be an appropriate placement.  Our goal is for all children to succeed and meet their potential across all developmental domains.

Overall, we provide a happy, peaceful environment where children can thrive, development, learn and grow.  Yes, there are many times when children are angry, frustrated with their friends.  But together, with the support of families, children learn how to conduct themselves and resolve their problems.  We develop confidence in children so they can respectfully stand up to anyone taking advantage of them, and ensure that they develop empathy and compassion regarding others.

A parent’s support in this process cannot be underestimated.  Parents can role play, use puppets, and discuss potential situations in which their child may someday be involved.  This reinforces confidence that young children will be able to respond appropriately to others and increase their self-awareness, as well as keeping the communication open.  Discussions of this sort in the preschool years make it easier to ‘keep talking’ throughout the many challenges of growing!

©ckvogt 1/7/12

Children are quite capable of learning positive means for conflict resolution, no matter what the age, and the earlier the lessons begin, the more effective they will be.  Vocabulary and a willingness to clearly communicate is really all that is required, and teachers at South  Hills assist with that here as a basis for the community building in which we are engaged.

Every day, many times a day, we remind the children that we are a community, similar to a family.  (We are the South Hills family!)  That means we take good care of each other, we cheer each other on and are proud of each other.  We share, and we are all friends.  We help our friends and strive to be good friends who support each other.  Yes; there are LOTS of times we feel frustrated, angry, confused, disappointed with each other!  That is what happens when people spend a lot of time together, and it is ok to feel those strong feelings!  Everyone experiences those strong feelings, no matter the age!  BUT, it is important to ‘use your words’ when those feelings arise.  We teach the children that they may not know what words to use to express their feelings.  But they can all say, “Teacher, I feel upset!” and we promise to come to sit with them, talk through the problem, and teach them the words to use to resolve the problem when they say that.

Parents can certainly do the same with their child.  Why do two year olds have temper tantrums?  Because their awareness of the world around them is increasing, but they do not yet have sufficient vocabulary to express what they feel or convey what they need/want!  As they approach three, the vocabulary is developing and the brain is assisting by permitting the child to retrieve the correct words at the correct time.  The neurological process is still being ‘fine tuned’ though.  Therefore, when the strong emotions arise, the correct words may not yet automatically follow.  Adults can guide their children by providing them with the appropriate vocabulary and gently guiding them on what is expected as a member of their family.  For example:

“You seem to feel frustrated because you can’t get that puzzle piece in the right space.  Can I help?  It is ok to tell me you are frustrated.  Sometimes I feel that way too.  I was very frustrated when I couldn’t get the peanut butter jar open this morning, remember?  Let’s see if I can help you.  Next time, maybe you can tell me when you are feeling frustrated. In our family, I/we will help you use your words to tell me/us how you feel, and I hope you will always be comfortable talking to me/us about your feelings. That will make me/us very proud of you.” 

During conflicts between children at South Hills, we sit down with the children and talk the conflict through, providing the appropriate vocabulary just the way the above example describes.  We always express what the expectations are, and what the appropriate choices are within our community so the children always clearly understand and have continual reinforcement.

Young children have strong emotions and strong behaviors.  They rely on the adults in their world to help them manage those strong emotions and behaviors in a positive way.  If they learn these appropriate skills at an early age, it will serve them well throughout their lives! 

As I told a parent this week as we discussed conflict resolutions, I sometimes view South Hills as a microcosm within the world’s macrocosm.  In taking care of this little corner of the world in Erie, PA, I do hope that the children will carry what they learn with them into the world as they grow, with your support and love.  What a peaceful world it could be!  

©ckvogt 10/20/11

At South Hills, we assist the children in focusing on mindfulness.  Before we ask the children to draw anything connected to their Project Work, they look at many examples of the object that will be drawn.  They spend long periods of time quietly staring at, and observing the object.  We discuss the shapes of which the object is comprised.  (ALL objects are created from recognizable shapes!).  The children then begin to draw.  They later return to the object they were observing and make note of what might have been excluded.  It is a way to be present, to be more observant, and to be still and calm.

The children also learn breathing strategies here.  Deep, mindful breathing creates calm, and increases awareness, attention, and observation. You may have noticed signs throughout the school that say BREATHE.  The children all recognize these signs, and they know when they see them (and their location changes constantly so it is always a surprise!), they will close their eyes, and take a deep breath in through their nose, and then breath out through their mouth, as though they are blowing out candles silently and lightly.  Teachers also practice this mindfulness, and parents are welcome as well!

As you know, to enter our nature based play area, Heart Rock Hollow, the children stop, close their eyes, and breathe deeply three times before stepping onto the boardwalk path.  It is a way to transition from active play to quieter, reflective, observant activities.

This type of breathing has proven to calm children (and teachers!).  It is especially useful for our many children with attention deficit issues or hyperactivity.  But we all can benefit from these calming strategies throughout our lives.  Deep breathing results in a more relaxed physical and mental state. School age students at South Hills have told me they use breathing to calm themselves prior to tests or school presentations.  I love to hear that!  It is my hope that the children who learn strategies to calm themselves and to increase their attention at the preschool level will utilize them throughout their lives!

I will keep you posted regarding other mindful practices we incorporate throughout the year…

♥Ms. Connie

Transitions are especially difficult in early childhood.  Children derive so much of their security from routine, so a new challenge, like preschool, totally changes the typical routine. Therefore, every new transition is a new source of anxiety and insecurity!  Some children handle this better than others. But typically children exhibit some anxiety signs—poor sleep, crying, clinging, tantruming, bedwetting, daytime ‘accidents’, withdrawal. 

Parents often contribute to these anxieties with their own anxieties! Every transition for a child represents a transition for a parent as well, and preschool is the beginning of many ‘letting go’ scenarios throughout life. It never gets easy! But, children are so tuned in to their parents emotions. When a parent is upset about leaving their child, the child senses that the parent is upset. That is often interpreted by the child as “There is something frightening here.  My mother doesn’t want to leave me here.” If a parent can keep herself/himself under control, by being positive, smiling, and composed, it speaks volumes to a child. Parents who can positively turn the child over to the teacher, say a positive goodbye, and then leave, will assist their child in transitioning to their new school environment. Yes, children may still cry, tantrum, and feel sad.  Young children have strong emotions and strong behaviors.  And they depend on the adults in their world to help them manage those emotions and behaviors.  Our teachers at South Hills are trained to assist your child in his/her adjustment to the school, where we accept them and guide them. 

If your child expresses that “I missed you at school and I cried.”, please let them know ‘It’s ok!”.  Express that you know changes are hard, but that you know South Hills is the right school for your child, and that you also know that s/he will soon love being at school.  It’s ok to miss each other; that is what being a family is all about!  But it’s also so exciting to have your child share what happened in his/her day at school, just as you tell your stories about your day!

We know it takes time for parents to trust us, and we work very hard to earn your trust.  We want your child to love being with us as part of the South Hills community, and we have many positive strategies to help your child ‘settle in’ and succeed.  We promise to communicate with you, and enlist your help when your child is having transition difficulties. With your support, the children will all soon be deeply engaged in our routine and curriculum, and you can finally relax and enjoy the stories your child will share with you about his/her day with us!

♥Ms. Connie

Welcome to the new website for South Hills Child Development Center Inc. at shills.info! Please keep checking back for weekly blog updates, new photos in our photo gallery, and monthly information updates!